1 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:05,637 How's the letter to your daddy coming, poodle? 2 00:00:05,679 --> 00:00:08,815 Just got to give it a little kiss, 3 00:00:08,856 --> 00:00:10,027 a little spritz, 4 00:00:11,114 --> 00:00:12,117 a little kiss, 5 00:00:13,538 --> 00:00:15,546 a little spritz. 6 00:00:15,587 --> 00:00:16,842 You know, we've narrowed down 7 00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:19,265 the identity of Jack's father. 8 00:00:19,308 --> 00:00:21,189 It's either one of the eleven Black brothers 9 00:00:21,231 --> 00:00:22,861 of New Canaan, Connecticut, 10 00:00:24,282 --> 00:00:26,038 or Paul Lynde, the center square. 11 00:00:29,132 --> 00:00:31,348 So I'm writing to each one of the brothers 12 00:00:31,389 --> 00:00:33,188 and here's what I have so far. 13 00:00:33,229 --> 00:00:34,441 [clears throat] 14 00:00:34,483 --> 00:00:38,580 "Dear Mr. Black, my name is Jack McFarland, M.D." 15 00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,336 Please hold all comments till the end! 16 00:00:41,841 --> 00:00:43,805 "If you were at a costume party 17 00:00:43,848 --> 00:00:47,735 in 1968 wearing a Nixon mask and had sexual relations 18 00:00:47,777 --> 00:00:49,951 with a woman who was dressed as the back part of a horse, 19 00:00:49,993 --> 00:00:51,246 you're my father! 20 00:00:52,836 --> 00:00:55,177 Please understand that I am not asking for money." 21 00:00:55,219 --> 00:00:56,682 [all] Yeah. 22 00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,521 [laughs] 23 00:00:58,563 --> 00:00:59,984 I know, right? 24 00:01:01,823 --> 00:01:03,830 "My phone number is blah blah. 25 00:01:03,872 --> 00:01:05,545 You can call me between the hours of blah and blah. 26 00:01:05,586 --> 00:01:07,007 Sincerely blah, blah, blah. 27 00:01:07,049 --> 00:01:08,888 Oh P.S., blah." 28 00:01:08,930 --> 00:01:10,561 So what do you think? 29 00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:12,819 I'd replace the first blah with the second blah, 30 00:01:12,861 --> 00:01:14,366 and I think the letter's ready to go. 31 00:01:15,870 --> 00:01:17,709 [theme music playing] 32 00:01:28,495 --> 00:01:31,297 I'm rethinking my scuba outfit for the trip. 33 00:01:31,339 --> 00:01:33,136 'Cause Joe and Larry are gonna be all in basic black, 34 00:01:33,178 --> 00:01:36,732 and I've got red flippers and a yellow snorkel. 35 00:01:36,773 --> 00:01:39,741 Even the clownfish are gonna be like, "Mmm, too busy." 36 00:01:41,205 --> 00:01:42,584 [Will] Oh, my God, there he is. 37 00:01:42,626 --> 00:01:44,006 Don't look around like a crazy person. 38 00:01:44,047 --> 00:01:47,141 Who, where, who, where, there? 39 00:01:47,182 --> 00:01:49,357 Was it the simplicity of the instructions 40 00:01:49,399 --> 00:01:51,739 that confused you? 41 00:01:51,781 --> 00:01:54,874 Over at the counter. My, um, what do I call him? 42 00:01:54,917 --> 00:01:57,425 Is he my boyfriend, my significant other? 43 00:01:57,467 --> 00:01:59,432 How about the man you're afraid to talk to? 44 00:01:59,474 --> 00:02:00,686 That works, too. 45 00:02:02,275 --> 00:02:05,033 Now, tell me again how you two didn't end up as a couple? 46 00:02:05,076 --> 00:02:08,002 Well, we never met at the gym, 47 00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:10,091 and one thing didn't lead to another. 48 00:02:11,220 --> 00:02:13,604 Classic boy-doesn't-meet-boy story. 49 00:02:13,646 --> 00:02:16,572 Oh, Lord, what have I done to deserve this? 50 00:02:19,498 --> 00:02:21,129 Oh, right. Well, you got me there! 51 00:02:21,170 --> 00:02:22,718 [laughs] 52 00:02:26,061 --> 00:02:26,981 Oh, look, honey. 53 00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:29,281 It's your non-imaginary boyfriend. 54 00:02:29,322 --> 00:02:32,960 What's his name? Jethro, Billy Bob? 55 00:02:33,002 --> 00:02:34,800 Nate is not my boyfriend. I don't have a boyfriend. 56 00:02:34,841 --> 00:02:36,179 -She dumped that loser. -No, she didn't. 57 00:02:36,220 --> 00:02:37,266 -Yes, I did. -She did. 58 00:02:37,308 --> 00:02:39,021 -No, she didn't. -I said I did. 59 00:02:39,063 --> 00:02:40,652 -[thudding] -Ow! 60 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:42,910 Sorry, that wasn't meant for you. 61 00:02:43,745 --> 00:02:45,041 Oh, hey, baby. 62 00:02:45,083 --> 00:02:46,839 I didn't know you were here. 63 00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:53,737 -Hi. -Oh, hi, Willard. 64 00:02:55,660 --> 00:02:56,915 I like your leotard. 65 00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,213 Listen, I'm gonna grab a juice. 66 00:02:59,256 --> 00:03:01,179 I'll be back to smooch on you in a second. 67 00:03:06,279 --> 00:03:07,909 So the whole time you've been dating this guy, 68 00:03:07,950 --> 00:03:09,706 sneaking around behind my back? 69 00:03:09,749 --> 00:03:12,006 God, I feel like Captain Von Trapp 70 00:03:12,048 --> 00:03:14,681 and you're Liesl making out with that Nazi in the gazebo. 71 00:03:15,936 --> 00:03:17,148 We're not dating. 72 00:03:17,190 --> 00:03:18,862 My God, you overstate everything. 73 00:03:18,904 --> 00:03:20,033 How many times have you seen him? 74 00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:21,621 I don't know, a couple of times. 75 00:03:21,663 --> 00:03:23,126 Two, 12. 76 00:03:23,168 --> 00:03:27,140 Ugh, oh, so that's why when you disappear every night 77 00:03:27,181 --> 00:03:29,397 for five hours, you bring me back a little present. 78 00:03:29,438 --> 00:03:30,903 You're just trying to create a diversion 79 00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:32,156 so I wouldn't ask you any questions. 80 00:03:32,198 --> 00:03:33,536 Hey, what are you complaining about? 81 00:03:33,577 --> 00:03:35,040 You got some lovely things. 82 00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:36,462 How many compliments have you gotten on that leotard? 83 00:03:36,505 --> 00:03:37,758 It's not a leotard! 84 00:03:38,845 --> 00:03:40,601 It's a fitted-T. 85 00:03:43,653 --> 00:03:45,534 Come on, please, I'm sorry. 86 00:03:45,576 --> 00:03:46,955 I'm sorry I've kept this from you. 87 00:03:46,997 --> 00:03:48,251 But what can I say? 88 00:03:48,293 --> 00:03:51,722 I like him, a lot. 89 00:03:51,763 --> 00:03:54,982 You know, do what you want. Just keep him away from me. 90 00:03:55,024 --> 00:03:59,288 Fine. I just, God, I just wish that you didn't have this thing with him. 91 00:03:59,329 --> 00:04:01,880 Can't you at least be my friend and say you're happy for me? 92 00:04:01,922 --> 00:04:04,556 I'd like to but, you know, if he's in your life, 93 00:04:04,597 --> 00:04:05,726 he's in my life and I can't ignore 94 00:04:05,768 --> 00:04:07,357 Not even for some cashmere toe socks? 95 00:04:07,398 --> 00:04:09,572 I've been dying for these! 96 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,045 [Jack] Karen, guess what? 97 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,718 I found him, I found my daddy! 98 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,222 -He wrote back! -Oh, peanut, 99 00:04:17,264 --> 00:04:19,397 that's fantastic! What'd he say? 100 00:04:19,438 --> 00:04:20,943 Well, he says his name is Joe, 101 00:04:20,985 --> 00:04:22,782 and there's way too much to explain in the letter, 102 00:04:22,824 --> 00:04:24,120 and that he wants to meet me in person! 103 00:04:24,161 --> 00:04:26,084 Oh, honey, I am so happy for you. 104 00:04:26,128 --> 00:04:28,635 I am gonna throw you a fabulous dinner party 105 00:04:28,678 --> 00:04:31,102 so that you can meet your daddy in style. 106 00:04:31,144 --> 00:04:32,858 You'd do that for me? 107 00:04:32,899 --> 00:04:35,324 You'd open your home to me and my family? 108 00:04:35,366 --> 00:04:38,584 Yeah, when you put it that way, no. 109 00:04:42,097 --> 00:04:43,644 We'll do it at Will and Grace's. 110 00:04:43,685 --> 00:04:45,358 Hey, it'll give 'em a chance to break out the good plastic. 111 00:04:45,399 --> 00:04:47,155 Yay! 112 00:04:51,837 --> 00:04:54,262 Oh, that was really nice. 113 00:04:55,183 --> 00:04:58,359 I thoroughly enjoyed myself. 114 00:04:58,401 --> 00:04:59,948 You know, I'm gonna write you a little letter 115 00:04:59,990 --> 00:05:02,372 of recommendation 'cause that should be on your résumé. 116 00:05:03,627 --> 00:05:04,839 Let me ask you. 117 00:05:04,881 --> 00:05:06,636 How would you rate me? 118 00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:09,520 What do you mean? 119 00:05:09,562 --> 00:05:11,276 On a scale from one to ten. 120 00:05:11,319 --> 00:05:13,075 And remember, the rule is on the first time 121 00:05:13,116 --> 00:05:14,831 it's polite to round up. 122 00:05:16,419 --> 00:05:18,635 I'm not gonna rate you. 123 00:05:19,973 --> 00:05:22,314 I don't like it, either, but that's the world we live in. 124 00:05:23,108 --> 00:05:24,697 [laughs] 125 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,205 All right. 126 00:05:29,003 --> 00:05:30,383 Eight. 127 00:05:30,424 --> 00:05:32,597 -Oh, you were a seven. -What? 128 00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:37,490 That's good. I've never been with anyone above a four. 129 00:05:38,366 --> 00:05:39,998 You're a pig. 130 00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:42,589 Now, let's see if I can bring that score up to 7.2. 131 00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:45,349 I'm not here, I'm not here. 132 00:05:45,390 --> 00:05:46,979 I'm just looking for the phone. 133 00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:50,490 Hi. 134 00:05:50,533 --> 00:05:52,957 Hi, I'm Vicky, the ex. 135 00:05:52,998 --> 00:05:55,006 I'm Grace, the nude. 136 00:05:56,344 --> 00:05:57,723 Vick, can you give us an hour? 137 00:05:57,765 --> 00:05:58,852 Come back later? 138 00:05:58,894 --> 00:06:00,775 An hour? Who are you kidding? 139 00:06:00,817 --> 00:06:02,990 I'll be back in five minutes. 140 00:06:03,031 --> 00:06:05,165 -I'm gonna get you for that! -[laughs] 141 00:06:07,338 --> 00:06:09,052 Now, where were we? 142 00:06:09,094 --> 00:06:10,432 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 143 00:06:10,473 --> 00:06:12,814 Why is your ex-girlfriend still in your apartment? 144 00:06:12,857 --> 00:06:14,487 Don't worry, she's cool. 145 00:06:14,529 --> 00:06:16,242 You're secure enough to handle me livin' 146 00:06:16,284 --> 00:06:17,538 with my ex-girlfriend, right? 147 00:06:19,169 --> 00:06:21,427 Hey, Will. Nathan's gonna be living here for a while. 148 00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,308 How you doin', Will? 149 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:26,108 Careful, that's a nasty paper cut waitin' to happen. 150 00:06:32,338 --> 00:06:35,055 [Nathan] ♪ 20, 20, 24 hours to go 151 00:06:35,096 --> 00:06:36,100 Whoa-Whoa! 152 00:06:36,143 --> 00:06:38,066 Three second rule, still good. 153 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,792 I'm not happy right now. 154 00:06:43,835 --> 00:06:45,758 See this face? It's not a happy face. 155 00:06:47,305 --> 00:06:49,604 What was I supposed to do, let him stay up there with her? 156 00:06:49,645 --> 00:06:51,611 It's creepy having a third person around. 157 00:06:51,652 --> 00:06:53,282 You don't say. 158 00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:57,380 Oh, he's using my new Chantal sauté pan 159 00:06:57,421 --> 00:06:59,386 with a metal-edge spatula. 160 00:06:59,428 --> 00:07:02,438 There is no way a crêpe is ever gonna slide off that now. 161 00:07:04,821 --> 00:07:07,497 Wow, you are more gay before nine A.M. 162 00:07:07,538 --> 00:07:09,503 than most people are all day. 163 00:07:12,261 --> 00:07:13,474 All right, hope you guys 164 00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:16,192 like my phony bologna free-range omelets. 165 00:07:16,234 --> 00:07:19,578 Ah, yes. It's only bean curd, but it's got the look of pig. 166 00:07:21,543 --> 00:07:23,967 I thought you gay guys liked the bologna. 167 00:07:26,267 --> 00:07:29,068 I think you're confusing the bologna with the same rights 168 00:07:29,110 --> 00:07:30,950 and privileges afforded to married couples. 169 00:07:32,245 --> 00:07:33,582 Will, lighten up. 170 00:07:33,624 --> 00:07:35,841 It's breakfast, not a pelvic exam. 171 00:07:38,056 --> 00:07:40,062 You know, forgive me if I don't leap to take advice 172 00:07:40,105 --> 00:07:41,484 from someone whose family portrait 173 00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,741 includes two bloodhounds and a pickup truck. 174 00:07:45,706 --> 00:07:47,797 Is it just me, 175 00:07:47,838 --> 00:07:49,928 or are the squirrels in the park sneakier? 176 00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:53,607 Oh, I get it. 177 00:07:53,650 --> 00:07:55,447 Because I'm from the South, I must be stupid, 178 00:07:55,489 --> 00:07:57,873 and because you're gay, you must be clever. 179 00:07:57,914 --> 00:08:00,631 Just goes to show you how wrong those stereotypes can be. 180 00:08:02,972 --> 00:08:05,104 Boy, if this day gets any better, 181 00:08:05,145 --> 00:08:07,236 by noon I should be rolling in glass. 182 00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:11,626 Nathan. 183 00:08:11,668 --> 00:08:13,131 I might have been a little harsh on him. 184 00:08:13,172 --> 00:08:14,928 He does have a flair for repartee. 185 00:08:17,604 --> 00:08:18,858 No, no. This has gotta stop. 186 00:08:18,900 --> 00:08:20,990 You've got to get along with Will. 187 00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:22,286 I'm just bein' myself. 188 00:08:22,329 --> 00:08:24,543 I know, baby. That's what's gotta stop. 189 00:08:29,937 --> 00:08:31,525 Honey, what is going on here? 190 00:08:31,567 --> 00:08:33,156 There are fingerprints on the China, 191 00:08:33,197 --> 00:08:35,664 spots on the silver, the vodka is warm. 192 00:08:35,706 --> 00:08:37,462 What is this, junior high? 193 00:08:40,471 --> 00:08:42,896 Jack is meeting his actual father tonight. 194 00:08:42,938 --> 00:08:43,983 Get it together! 195 00:08:44,025 --> 00:08:45,279 Hey, back off or I will force you 196 00:08:45,321 --> 00:08:47,328 into brightly colored poly blend. 197 00:08:49,627 --> 00:08:52,052 What's with the gratuitous violence Hannibal Alder? 198 00:08:53,975 --> 00:08:57,486 Hello, will my moped be safe outside the building? 199 00:08:58,657 --> 00:09:00,162 -Yeah. -Oh, okay. 200 00:09:00,204 --> 00:09:02,127 Miss Karen, thank you for inviting me. 201 00:09:02,169 --> 00:09:04,301 I know that Jack and I aren't married anymore, 202 00:09:04,342 --> 00:09:06,265 but part of me still thinks of him as family. 203 00:09:06,307 --> 00:09:08,021 Oh, that's sweet, honey, 204 00:09:08,063 --> 00:09:09,527 but you're not here to attend the party, 205 00:09:09,568 --> 00:09:11,115 you're here to work the party. 206 00:09:12,704 --> 00:09:15,421 So, uh, strip off that bug trap you call a jacket, 207 00:09:15,463 --> 00:09:17,386 put on an apron, and shake hands with Mr. Clean. 208 00:09:18,807 --> 00:09:20,563 Sorry I took so long. 209 00:09:20,605 --> 00:09:22,779 I ran into my imaginary boyfriend down at the market. 210 00:09:22,821 --> 00:09:23,991 He was standing in the checkout line, 211 00:09:24,033 --> 00:09:26,290 so I had no choice but to check him out. 212 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,297 Did you talk to him? 213 00:09:28,339 --> 00:09:30,597 I would've, but I was too busy choking on my fear. 214 00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:34,944 Oh, hello, Grace-ious. 215 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,169 I'm sorry, I didn't realize that this dinner was formal. 216 00:09:40,212 --> 00:09:41,591 Oh, it's an easy mistake. 217 00:09:41,633 --> 00:09:44,183 I'm sure that's considered formal wear at Señor Frog's. 218 00:09:47,444 --> 00:09:50,161 Well, I guess it doesn't work here at Señor Tight-ass. 219 00:09:53,924 --> 00:09:55,345 What is he doing here? 220 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,686 [sighs] I just figured since Jack 221 00:09:57,728 --> 00:09:59,317 was meeting his father for the first time tonight, 222 00:09:59,359 --> 00:10:02,034 that the whole evening could have a theme. 223 00:10:02,076 --> 00:10:03,246 Togetherness, you know? 224 00:10:03,289 --> 00:10:05,420 Jack and his father, you and Nathan, 225 00:10:06,130 --> 00:10:07,343 Karen and her drink. 226 00:10:08,974 --> 00:10:10,855 Thanks for coming. 227 00:10:14,910 --> 00:10:16,164 Will, this is a temporary arrangement, 228 00:10:16,206 --> 00:10:17,920 and he's important to me, so as long as he's here, 229 00:10:17,962 --> 00:10:19,091 will you just make an effort? 230 00:10:19,132 --> 00:10:21,181 Please, it would mean so much to me. 231 00:10:21,223 --> 00:10:23,188 Fine, fine, but I'll tell you right now, 232 00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:25,780 I am not gonna whittle or tie my pants with a rope. 233 00:10:28,789 --> 00:10:30,797 So, Nathan, tell me, 234 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:33,305 what kind of work do you do? 235 00:10:33,347 --> 00:10:35,019 Oh, I don't work. I've got my spleen money. 236 00:10:35,060 --> 00:10:37,025 Right, right. 237 00:10:37,067 --> 00:10:39,283 I don't know what that means. 238 00:10:39,324 --> 00:10:41,958 Well, about a year ago, I took a spill on my motorbike, 239 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:45,220 wheel came off, I went flying, lost a spleen. 240 00:10:45,262 --> 00:10:47,393 The bike company coughed up a butt load of money, 241 00:10:47,435 --> 00:10:49,483 and I've been livin' off of that ever since. 242 00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:50,737 Pretty cool, huh? 243 00:10:50,779 --> 00:10:52,995 Yeah, with the market being down the way it is, 244 00:10:53,037 --> 00:10:54,960 you may want to lacerate a kidney and reinvest. 245 00:10:56,591 --> 00:10:58,681 Well, I've got my I.R.A. 246 00:11:00,604 --> 00:11:01,775 What do you do? 247 00:11:01,816 --> 00:11:04,324 -I'm a lawyer. -Oh, wow. 248 00:11:04,366 --> 00:11:06,874 I'm a man without a spleen. You're a man without a heart. 249 00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:08,589 Maybe we should take a trip to Oz. 250 00:11:11,682 --> 00:11:13,521 Hello, what's goin' on? 251 00:11:13,564 --> 00:11:14,985 What'd I miss? 252 00:11:15,027 --> 00:11:16,740 We're just saying what we do for a living. 253 00:11:16,783 --> 00:11:19,624 Oh, bad topic for both of you. 254 00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:22,635 Um, how about things that you have in common, 255 00:11:22,677 --> 00:11:24,516 likes, dislikes? 256 00:11:24,558 --> 00:11:26,565 Well, I hate making small talk 257 00:11:26,607 --> 00:11:28,237 with people that I have nothing in common with. 258 00:11:28,278 --> 00:11:30,118 Me, too. 259 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,000 See, there you go. 260 00:11:33,044 --> 00:11:34,341 But what I really hate 261 00:11:34,383 --> 00:11:36,306 is when someone licks their finger like this... 262 00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:37,685 and then sticks it in my ear like that. 263 00:11:37,727 --> 00:11:39,148 Ow! 264 00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:45,044 This has been fun. Yeah, if you'll excuse me, 265 00:11:45,085 --> 00:11:47,050 I'm gonna go dip my head in alcohol. 266 00:11:47,091 --> 00:11:49,098 Oh, wait for me. Wait for... 267 00:11:55,954 --> 00:11:58,253 ♪ Papa, can you hear me 268 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:03,771 ♪ Papa, can you see me 269 00:12:03,813 --> 00:12:06,907 ♪ Papa, can you find me in the night ♪ 270 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,792 Oh, hey, crunchy. 271 00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:11,129 I don't believe we've met. 272 00:12:11,171 --> 00:12:14,014 Nathan, I'm Grace's boyfriend. 273 00:12:14,056 --> 00:12:16,021 Hmm, that's weird. 274 00:12:16,063 --> 00:12:18,446 I'm not gettin' a gay vibe from you. 275 00:12:24,674 --> 00:12:27,140 So, how you doin', pal? You ready? 276 00:12:27,183 --> 00:12:28,604 Yeah, I think so. 277 00:12:28,646 --> 00:12:30,653 I did a papaya salt scrub, a cucumber mask, 278 00:12:30,694 --> 00:12:33,077 a hot oil scalp treatment, and two shots of wheatgrass. 279 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,415 Wow, you're more than ready. 280 00:12:34,457 --> 00:12:35,920 You're a gay salad bar. 281 00:12:35,961 --> 00:12:37,884 [laughs] 282 00:12:37,927 --> 00:12:39,934 Oh, everything's food with you, isn't it? 283 00:12:42,609 --> 00:12:45,034 Oh, what do you think dad's gonna be like? 284 00:12:45,076 --> 00:12:47,876 Oh, I don't care if he's rich or poor, fat or thin, 285 00:12:47,918 --> 00:12:49,674 just as long as he's rich and thin. 286 00:12:51,053 --> 00:12:52,224 Oh, honey, take it from me, 287 00:12:52,266 --> 00:12:54,440 rich and fat works, too. 288 00:12:56,572 --> 00:12:57,659 [knocking] 289 00:12:57,700 --> 00:12:59,958 [gasps] Uma Thurman Hawke, he's here! 290 00:13:01,798 --> 00:13:04,097 Okay, I'm gonna answer the door. 291 00:13:04,139 --> 00:13:06,647 No, that'll seem needy, but I am needy, 292 00:13:06,689 --> 00:13:09,030 but needy's not hot, but I'm hot, so it doesn't matter. 293 00:13:09,072 --> 00:13:11,078 ♪ Papa, can you hear me 294 00:13:13,922 --> 00:13:15,384 Jack, take it easy. 295 00:13:15,427 --> 00:13:17,516 You're having a Yentl breakdown. 296 00:13:18,603 --> 00:13:21,822 Okay, okay. 297 00:13:21,864 --> 00:13:24,623 I'm gonna play it cool and let him come to me. 298 00:13:28,345 --> 00:13:30,183 Hi, I'm Jo Black. 299 00:13:30,225 --> 00:13:31,856 I'm looking for Jack McFarland. 300 00:13:31,897 --> 00:13:33,653 Daddy! 301 00:13:35,243 --> 00:13:36,370 No, no. 302 00:13:36,413 --> 00:13:38,377 There's something I need to explain. 303 00:13:38,420 --> 00:13:41,512 I know, daddy, you're a woman, but on some level, who isn't? 304 00:13:42,433 --> 00:13:43,853 No, Jack, no, no. 305 00:13:43,896 --> 00:13:47,031 That's why I wanted to meet you in person. 306 00:13:47,073 --> 00:13:50,836 My name is JoAnne Black, I'm Joe Black's wife. 307 00:13:50,877 --> 00:13:52,716 Oh, nice to meet you. 308 00:13:52,759 --> 00:13:54,556 Where's my papa? 309 00:13:54,598 --> 00:13:55,810 I am so sorry. 310 00:13:55,852 --> 00:13:58,737 I really don't quite know how to say this, but... 311 00:13:58,779 --> 00:14:00,910 your father died five years ago. 312 00:14:08,101 --> 00:14:09,941 Oh, okay. 313 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,613 Will you excuse me for a minute? 314 00:14:15,208 --> 00:14:16,545 Whoo. 315 00:14:18,762 --> 00:14:20,517 Honey, it must be a relief 316 00:14:20,559 --> 00:14:23,193 to finally have someone else kill your party. 317 00:14:32,014 --> 00:14:33,519 [knocking] 318 00:14:33,561 --> 00:14:35,150 How you doin'? 319 00:14:36,990 --> 00:14:38,954 Come on, Jack. You've been in here all night. 320 00:14:40,125 --> 00:14:41,880 Come on, talk to me. 321 00:14:44,221 --> 00:14:46,646 Who's the prettiest lady in this room? 322 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,115 -Me. -Yeah. 323 00:14:51,830 --> 00:14:53,711 My dad is gone, Will. 324 00:14:53,753 --> 00:14:55,174 I'm never gonna meet him. 325 00:14:55,216 --> 00:14:57,013 He'll never teach me to ride a bike 326 00:14:57,055 --> 00:14:58,936 or throw a ball or kiss a man. 327 00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:02,490 I'm totally alone. 328 00:15:02,531 --> 00:15:04,748 Jack, what have you really lost here? 329 00:15:04,790 --> 00:15:06,587 I mean, it would have been great if you'd gotten to know him, 330 00:15:06,629 --> 00:15:08,677 but he was not part of your life before. 331 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,099 He's not part of your life now. 332 00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:11,561 What's really changed? 333 00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:14,028 But I loved him. 334 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,328 But you didn't know him. 335 00:15:16,997 --> 00:15:18,627 But I loved him. 336 00:15:19,755 --> 00:15:22,222 Maybe you just loved the idea of him. 337 00:15:22,264 --> 00:15:25,066 He was the source of all my talent. 338 00:15:25,107 --> 00:15:27,072 But you don't have any talent. 339 00:15:29,915 --> 00:15:31,880 -But I loved him. -And here we are again. 340 00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:35,976 [knocking] 341 00:15:36,017 --> 00:15:37,523 Comin' in, comin' in. 342 00:15:37,566 --> 00:15:40,198 Am I interrupting anything? Are you fellas havin' sex? 343 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,498 -Oh, stop. -Oh, God. 344 00:15:42,540 --> 00:15:45,215 Well, you know, I figured both of you bein' gay and all. 345 00:15:45,257 --> 00:15:47,097 Yeah, that's pretty much how it works. 346 00:15:47,138 --> 00:15:48,434 Just like if you see any woman. 347 00:15:48,476 --> 00:15:50,566 -Yeah? -Okay, bad analogy. 348 00:15:51,528 --> 00:15:52,740 What do you want? 349 00:15:52,782 --> 00:15:55,458 Well, uh, I thought after what happened tonight, 350 00:15:55,499 --> 00:15:57,130 maybe Jack could use a little Jack. 351 00:15:57,171 --> 00:15:58,384 Hello. 352 00:15:58,426 --> 00:16:00,390 Oh. 353 00:16:03,818 --> 00:16:06,620 Thanks, Nathan, but when we're in pain, 354 00:16:06,662 --> 00:16:09,547 we usually prefer just to talk it out rather than, say, 355 00:16:09,588 --> 00:16:10,926 gettin' all liquored up and goin' down 356 00:16:10,967 --> 00:16:12,264 to the dump and shootin' rats. 357 00:16:13,476 --> 00:16:15,566 I was thinking more of a memorial of sorts. 358 00:16:15,607 --> 00:16:17,697 You know, when someone close to you dies, 359 00:16:17,740 --> 00:16:19,705 it's important to remember 'em, you know, 360 00:16:19,747 --> 00:16:21,293 drink a toast, say good-bye? 361 00:16:21,335 --> 00:16:23,467 Like I said, I don't think that's the way Jack-- 362 00:16:23,509 --> 00:16:25,181 -I wanna do it. -What? 363 00:16:25,222 --> 00:16:27,230 I loved him. 364 00:16:27,272 --> 00:16:28,693 But you didn't know him. 365 00:16:28,735 --> 00:16:30,366 But he loved him, Willard. 366 00:16:34,504 --> 00:16:37,472 Okay, why don't you start, Will? 367 00:16:37,514 --> 00:16:40,733 -Oh, I don't know. -Come on, Will, for me. 368 00:16:42,322 --> 00:16:44,077 Okay. [sighs] 369 00:16:45,582 --> 00:16:47,589 Um... [clears throat] 370 00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:50,683 I never had the opportunity to meet Joe Black. 371 00:16:50,725 --> 00:16:53,107 Saw the movie, though. A bit long, didn't care for it. 372 00:16:53,149 --> 00:16:55,323 Even though it had Brad Pitt in it. 373 00:16:55,365 --> 00:16:56,829 Didn't care for Snatch, either. 374 00:16:56,870 --> 00:16:57,914 The movie. 375 00:16:57,956 --> 00:16:59,211 Anyway, um, 376 00:17:00,005 --> 00:17:01,260 here's to you, Joe. 377 00:17:01,302 --> 00:17:02,555 We hardly knew ye. 378 00:17:02,598 --> 00:17:04,981 Actually, we didn't know ye at all. 379 00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:08,408 -To Joe. -To Joe. 380 00:17:11,502 --> 00:17:13,299 Well, thank you, Will. 381 00:17:13,341 --> 00:17:14,554 Jack, you're up. 382 00:17:14,596 --> 00:17:16,894 Oh, well, okay. 383 00:17:16,937 --> 00:17:21,284 First of all, I'd like to say thank you to Joe Black. 384 00:17:21,327 --> 00:17:25,841 Thank you for giving me my piercing blue eyes, 385 00:17:25,883 --> 00:17:29,060 my impossibly high cheek-bones, 386 00:17:29,102 --> 00:17:30,774 my rock-hard ass, 387 00:17:32,279 --> 00:17:34,537 and my feminine side 388 00:17:34,579 --> 00:17:36,878 which I did not get from my mother. 389 00:17:40,557 --> 00:17:42,145 In conclusion... 390 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,448 ♪ Papa, how I love you 391 00:17:45,490 --> 00:17:47,998 ♪ Papa, how I need you 392 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:51,927 ♪ Papa, how I miss you kissing me ♪ 393 00:17:51,969 --> 00:17:55,482 ♪ Good night... 394 00:18:08,817 --> 00:18:11,493 [continues] ♪ Night... 395 00:18:13,499 --> 00:18:15,255 -♪ Looking in the sky ♪ -[both] To Joe! 396 00:18:19,353 --> 00:18:21,192 Well, terrific. 397 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:22,905 I'm glad we did this. Nice idea. 398 00:18:22,947 --> 00:18:24,619 Jack, you want to do something? 399 00:18:24,661 --> 00:18:26,124 Maybe go down to the park 400 00:18:26,166 --> 00:18:28,548 and laugh at the heterosexuals kissing? 401 00:18:29,678 --> 00:18:30,974 Wait a minute. 402 00:18:31,015 --> 00:18:32,311 I'd like to say something about Joe. 403 00:18:32,353 --> 00:18:34,570 Oh, sorry, go ahead. 404 00:18:34,611 --> 00:18:36,576 After all, you knew him as well as we did. 405 00:18:39,461 --> 00:18:44,226 We're born, we grow, we live, we die. 406 00:18:44,268 --> 00:18:45,815 If we're lucky, we have family 407 00:18:45,856 --> 00:18:48,699 and friends who know us and love us. 408 00:18:49,661 --> 00:18:51,710 I never knew my dad. 409 00:18:51,751 --> 00:18:54,176 But it doesn't matter, because wherever we go 410 00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:56,852 and whatever we do, we can know that the spirit 411 00:18:56,893 --> 00:18:58,691 of the mother and the spirit of the father 412 00:18:58,732 --> 00:19:01,617 are alive in each of us. 413 00:19:01,660 --> 00:19:05,297 That everything good already exists within ourselves. 414 00:19:06,007 --> 00:19:08,306 So, here's to Joe. 415 00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:10,020 The father in all of us. 416 00:19:10,689 --> 00:19:12,278 [all] To Joe. 417 00:19:15,413 --> 00:19:17,629 Thank you, Nathan. 418 00:19:17,671 --> 00:19:19,343 Okay, who wants another round? 419 00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:32,052 Oh, my God. I've turned another one.